LIFE - On communication and expectations
How our perspectives influence the way we communicate
"Well, that’s communication. Imperfect, arbitrary, passive. The lament of a not-quite-pure idea.” - Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance
We miraculously mould and bend our rich plethora of experiences - what we see, feel, hear, smell, and think - into an understandable form for others. The fathomless complexity of billions of neurons firing at once and countless chemical reactions culminates in a word. By some miracle, our human experience becomes transferable through communication.
Although communication is vital for the survival of our species, it is limited by our worldview on the giving and receiving end. After all, every human has a lens and a set of assumptions on how the world works. We’ve created our assumptions through experience, what we’re paying attention to, whether we’ve had a good night’s sleep etc. They form the basis for what we think to expect from ourselves and the world.
And so, our expectations are born passively. Whether we are aware of them or not.
Our internal algorithm creates a nice picture for us, doing its best to predict the general outcome of each action. It’s comparing expectation versus reality. An unexpected event can adjust our assumptions which feed back into the internal algorithms, changing the picture ever-so-slightly.
Life is unpredictable though. Even with the best predictive machinery biology can provide - our brains - there’s no real certainty. Only probability. A roll of the dice every second of our existence (probably).
It’s no wonder we land ourselves, befuzzled, in strange situations.
On top of our narrowed perspectives of the world, and the expectations we build upon it, we are challenged with relaying this perspective to others. These other people are as complex as you, with their unknown perspectives, assumptions, expectations, moods, attention, and thoughts.
What “love” means to one person may mean something entirely different to someone else. Art elicits different feelings from person to person. A tick you have might trigger hysterical laughter, intense annoyance or indifference.
What a variety of responses to our imperfect communication, or lack thereof! Yet somehow, by some magic, we still expect ourselves and the world to fit into arbitrary internal rules unique to us and possibly non-transferable to anything else. The disillusionment of no promotion at work even when promotions are few and far between. Oh, how frustrating that a horse won’t fit into a shoebox.
Aspirations are beautiful. They imbue our lives with hope and meaning. Turning them into expectations that directly affect your confidence and sense of identity might not be the best idea.
No amount of logic takes away the emotional tumult of wild, unmet expectations. And it shouldn’t. We have fear, disappointment, excitement and joy for a reason. They serve as signals to (hopefully) navigate life’s wilderness.
Sure, we can’t control much, but we can learn. It’s what’s made us so successful in the wild. Knowing more about the structure of our expectations, (and others) provides the clarity needed to avoid disappointment, build confidence and create an adaptable mindset.
How flexible or rigid are your expectations? How realistic are those expectations? Where do they come from? Are they congruent with who you are, or are you shouldering someone else’s rules?
Hard questions for an easier encounter with a whimsical, miraculous universe.
Thanks for coming to the first newsletter from Mindfork, you are the wheel that keeps my heart spinning and pen dancing.